How does a two-year-old hear the word bitch often enough to call his friend and baby-sitter that when she insists that he not hit, pinch, or pull her hair. How is that one of the few words in English he knows? How do you communicate to his mother that these behaviors need to be stopped early on?
...by the grace of God. There is no easy answer.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Church
Last week there were a lot of BridgeKids at church. I sat by some of the elementary boys. It was frustrating in that kids are hard to keep appeased in church, and I struggle with the line of when they are old enough to sit up and pay attention, and when they are young enough to play quiet games.
I did my best to keep the young ones playing games quietly, drawing or looking in "I SPY" books, but I'd just about reached the end of my rope during the offertory when Micah asked if we could leave soon. I said there was one more song, we'd leave after that. He wanted to go right away, but then the next song started and it was one of my favorites. I told Micah so, asked him to stand and sing with me. He stood, and sang, not just the first part, but the whole song. And at the end, he said, "I wish we could sing that song again."
It's all about the little things, right?
(For those of you that are curious, the song was "I will follow")
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ohvhmGSfxI&ob=av2e
I did my best to keep the young ones playing games quietly, drawing or looking in "I SPY" books, but I'd just about reached the end of my rope during the offertory when Micah asked if we could leave soon. I said there was one more song, we'd leave after that. He wanted to go right away, but then the next song started and it was one of my favorites. I told Micah so, asked him to stand and sing with me. He stood, and sang, not just the first part, but the whole song. And at the end, he said, "I wish we could sing that song again."
It's all about the little things, right?
(For those of you that are curious, the song was "I will follow")
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ohvhmGSfxI&ob=av2e
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
His name's sake.
Yesterday was the hardest day of ministry I have had yet.
It still hurts, makes me sad, makes me want to cry with frustration.
Really it wasn’t that big of a deal, something I should have been expecting. The kids at Seneca got into a fight. It wasn’t even that big of a fight. As I tried to talk to them though, the girls refused to listen, hit and kicked me, ran away. One even bit me.
I got home and was frustrated at silly little things the rest of the night. As I was going to bed, I picked up a book from my bedside table, Searching for God Knows What, and started to read the chapter on morality. It talks about how too often our morality is based on comparing ourselves to others, too often we believe our morality saves us. It brought up Psalm 23, the verse that says “He leads me in paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.”
It’s kind of a stretch, I realize, but reading that chapter on morality and how it’s really an abstract concept and one that is fluid (although the Bible does provide a lot of guidance it is by no means a manual but more of an invitation to be led for His name’s sake). It helped me to realize I wanted these kids to behave so that my job was easier. I wanted them to behave so that I wouldn’t be tired, sad, frustrated. While I do love them and also recognize that not fighting is the best thing for them, the root cause of my frustration was that I had a bad day. Not His name’s sake.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
timshel
I have a new friend. I love this friend, a lot, although we barely know each other.
There's been a lot of pain in the past, though, and it is hard to deal with. I desire to help so much that sometimes it's painful for me that I cannot. As I was thinking of my friend this morning, this song by Mumford & Sons came into my head. I think it's such a beautiful recovery song.
My favorite line says, "...it will steal your innocence, but it will not steal your substance."
Regardless of what has happened to you, you are still the person God created you to be. Beautiful.
A close second, and one that really resonated with me now, comes at the end:
"But I will tell the night
and whisper lose your sight.
But I can't move the mountains for you."
Regardless of how much I fight the darkness, they are your mountains to move. All I can do is hold your hand.
There's been a lot of pain in the past, though, and it is hard to deal with. I desire to help so much that sometimes it's painful for me that I cannot. As I was thinking of my friend this morning, this song by Mumford & Sons came into my head. I think it's such a beautiful recovery song.
My favorite line says, "...it will steal your innocence, but it will not steal your substance."
Regardless of what has happened to you, you are still the person God created you to be. Beautiful.
A close second, and one that really resonated with me now, comes at the end:
"But I will tell the night
and whisper lose your sight.
But I can't move the mountains for you."
Regardless of how much I fight the darkness, they are your mountains to move. All I can do is hold your hand.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Be still and know.
I've really sucked at that for the past week and a half. I've been running around and trying to do too much.
But today I saw a blue jay on my way into work.
But today I saw a blue jay on my way into work.
Friday, September 23, 2011
Galations 6:6
I'm working as a missionary.
The hardest part about this, literally, is asking people for money. It is so hard, that I haven't even really done it yet.
The fundraising book I was given says that one of the mistakes missionaries on "domestic assignments" make is having a target-only mentality, promoted by Galations 6:6: "And let the one who is taught the word share all good things with him who teaches."
I do not have this mentality. The people I'm serving, I serve because they have needs. Their cupboards are more empty than mine. Yet I am consistently being offered things by these people: fruit, pizza, pop, water, money for something I want to buy at the store. Sometimes my biggest struggle is to accept the gifts they offer.
Just yesterday I was sitting in my friend Sarah's living room, and she asked me what my job is. I told her that being there, helping her with her son and teaching English is my job. She asked how I get money, and I told her that I ask people for it. She asked if I got money from the government. No, I said. Sometimes I will ask churches, though. She understood that and was fairly satisfied. But then she said, "I use you too much. What if you need money for gas, or food?" And I said she fed me lunch yesterday and I was currently eating her watermelon. She shook her head, mystified as to how I was surviving.
I used to say the kids I played with after school were "my kids." Obviously that isn't really true, I have very little ownership of them. However, now I can say they are my kids. Their families are my families. Their people are my people. Not because I claim them, but because they claim me.
The hardest part about this, literally, is asking people for money. It is so hard, that I haven't even really done it yet.
The fundraising book I was given says that one of the mistakes missionaries on "domestic assignments" make is having a target-only mentality, promoted by Galations 6:6: "And let the one who is taught the word share all good things with him who teaches."
I do not have this mentality. The people I'm serving, I serve because they have needs. Their cupboards are more empty than mine. Yet I am consistently being offered things by these people: fruit, pizza, pop, water, money for something I want to buy at the store. Sometimes my biggest struggle is to accept the gifts they offer.
Just yesterday I was sitting in my friend Sarah's living room, and she asked me what my job is. I told her that being there, helping her with her son and teaching English is my job. She asked how I get money, and I told her that I ask people for it. She asked if I got money from the government. No, I said. Sometimes I will ask churches, though. She understood that and was fairly satisfied. But then she said, "I use you too much. What if you need money for gas, or food?" And I said she fed me lunch yesterday and I was currently eating her watermelon. She shook her head, mystified as to how I was surviving.
I used to say the kids I played with after school were "my kids." Obviously that isn't really true, I have very little ownership of them. However, now I can say they are my kids. Their families are my families. Their people are my people. Not because I claim them, but because they claim me.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Not sacrifice
In Matthew 9, Jesus is doing all sorts of crazy things. Calling a tax collector as a disciple, eating with tax collectors and sinners - where the Pharisees could see Him, no less!
This is one of the places where we hear Jesus say, "Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick." But it is the next sentence that has been on my mind this week: "Go and learn what this means, ' I desire mercy, not sacrifice.'"
I'm working as a missionary, and it's hard sometimes. Kids get attitudes, there isn't enough food to hand out at distribution, I have to tell a woman for the twentieth time that you cannot have an action (a child doesn't have playing...your garden doesn't have dig). The thing that is probably the most frustrating, however, is when people I am close to do not understand how important it is that someone is there for my friends, and that I want to be there for them.
I can't imagine how much more effective churches would be if they could learn what it means for God to desire mercy, and not sacrifice.
Our understanding of the word sacrifice might be a little bit different than the first century Pharisees, but I imagine that to them, sacrifice was akin to being "right with God". We no longer give burnt offerings to God to pay for our sins, Christians believe that is why Jesus was here. But what is the point in Jesus' death if we are simply replacing animal sacrifices with other kinds of sacrifices and still neglecting the mercy part?
This is one of the places where we hear Jesus say, "Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick." But it is the next sentence that has been on my mind this week: "Go and learn what this means, ' I desire mercy, not sacrifice.'"
I'm working as a missionary, and it's hard sometimes. Kids get attitudes, there isn't enough food to hand out at distribution, I have to tell a woman for the twentieth time that you cannot have an action (a child doesn't have playing...your garden doesn't have dig). The thing that is probably the most frustrating, however, is when people I am close to do not understand how important it is that someone is there for my friends, and that I want to be there for them.
I can't imagine how much more effective churches would be if they could learn what it means for God to desire mercy, and not sacrifice.
Our understanding of the word sacrifice might be a little bit different than the first century Pharisees, but I imagine that to them, sacrifice was akin to being "right with God". We no longer give burnt offerings to God to pay for our sins, Christians believe that is why Jesus was here. But what is the point in Jesus' death if we are simply replacing animal sacrifices with other kinds of sacrifices and still neglecting the mercy part?
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Why Yatsar?
Why yatsar?
It's the Hebrew word for distressed, cramped, to make narrow. It's used when Jacob's brother Esau is after him with 400 men for stealing his birthright and his blessing (although, let's be fair, Esau sold his birthright).
It's used when David is about to be stoned by his people for allowing all of the women and children of Ziklag to have been carried off. (1 Samuel 30. Interesting story. Go read it.)
It's used in Job, when one of his friends is speaking about God punishing the wicked.
But, beautifully, in Genesis 2 it is also the word used to describe God creating Adam from the dirt.
And this is why I am titling my blog Yatsar. Because even though I experience distress every day of my life (some days more than others), every day of my life God is also squeezing me, pushing me from the dirt of my past into a new creation. God uses the distresses of our lives to form us. And I find that to be awesome and powerful.
It's the Hebrew word for distressed, cramped, to make narrow. It's used when Jacob's brother Esau is after him with 400 men for stealing his birthright and his blessing (although, let's be fair, Esau sold his birthright).
It's used when David is about to be stoned by his people for allowing all of the women and children of Ziklag to have been carried off. (1 Samuel 30. Interesting story. Go read it.)
It's used in Job, when one of his friends is speaking about God punishing the wicked.
But, beautifully, in Genesis 2 it is also the word used to describe God creating Adam from the dirt.
And this is why I am titling my blog Yatsar. Because even though I experience distress every day of my life (some days more than others), every day of my life God is also squeezing me, pushing me from the dirt of my past into a new creation. God uses the distresses of our lives to form us. And I find that to be awesome and powerful.
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